Object of my Reflection Madrid at night

Publicado en mayo 2014 |

222

Madrid después de la fiebre

+ ‘…al lugar donde has sido feliz no debieras tratar de volver’
Peces de ciudad”, letra de Joaquín Sabina.

por Suan Pineda
Entremares Magazine

Hace cuatro años, días después de mi regreso de Madrid, un sueño recurrente confortaba mi resaca: caminaba por la polvorienta Calle Beire, bajaba con el sol seco por la angosta acera, las casas chatas y viejas parecían sonreirme, y un piano adolescente desembocaba por un balcón. Yo, cansada y sudorosa, lamía un cono de gelato de vainilla. Una brisita sin ton ni son jugueteaba sin aliviar.

No soy de tener sueños recurrentes ni complicados. Estaba claro: extrañaba Madrid, quería regresar. Cuatro años después, provista de algunas excentricidades más, por un impulso —retardado— regresé. No tenía plan concreto, sólo quería caminar por Beire, divagar por el Retiro, bailar tango, revivir mi sueño.

En agosto, Madrid se parecía tanto a la de mi sueño, tanto que me parecía estar viendo las fotografías que había barajado repetidamente. El polvo, el mismo polvo. Quería decir “hola” a las caras en el metro. Tararear las notas del bandoneón subterráneo. Merodear por los callejones bajo el dulce zumbido del vino. Mi fascinación ardía igual. Sentí que los años no pasaron. Yo quedaba intacta.

Mas el espejismo se fue disipando como se iba derritiendo mi maquillaje en el calor madrileño. No hubo un momento crucial ni una epifanía. Sólo la vi. Tal vez ella se mostraba al fin ante ojos más cansados, con menos brillo, más carnal.

Lejos de los días soleados de mi memoria, la vi de noche (¿cómo no me había fijado en su oscuridad?), la vi amiga y callada mientras, sobre una motoneta, aferrada a la espalda de un tanguero, surcamos su vientre en busca de más noche. Empanadas, sonámbulos, rocas rotas, rumano de ojos vidriosos, aire plata, bandoneón hermético, curva peligrosa, Santa Rita. ¿Tenía que ser un argentino quien me mostrara la Madrid oscura? Tal vez, desde nuestra extrañeza, nuestra otredad, la veríamos más cercana. Quizá uno sólo ve las heridas ajenas cuando uno las porta.

Excavé, urgué las raíces. No más sueños.

Madrid: desde la sombra la veo mejor.



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  • OBJECT OF MY REFLECTION

    Esta columna se basa en las reflexiones inspiradas por un objeto, lugar o artículo inanimado sobre la tan cliché condición humana, como la magdalena de Marcel Proust.

    This “last-page” section features a column that is based on the following premise: The piece is inspired by an object, place or inanimate thing that sparks a memory, a thought, a reflection, much like the Proustian madeleine.