Cartas a Casa Foto Laura Angélica Moreno

Publicado en agosto 2012 | Foto Laura Angélica Moreno

111

Las manos de la ausencia

El exilio va dejando huellas que son imposibles de borrar, tanto en el cuerpo como en el alma, y el regreso al país natal se va convirtiendo en un sueño.

por Efrén Rodrigo Herrera

En medio del pugilato de mis manos contra el teclado, las imágenes se agolpan en mi mente, se mueven raudas las tres. Manos y mente me transportan al pasado y aparecen otras manos. Esas manos, entonces vivaces, ágiles, capaces de asir el azadón de arar la tierra, de apretar con firmeza mi piel para cerrar las heridas que, de cuando en cuando, abrían en mi cuerpo la imprudencia infantil y la osadía, vienen a mi cabeza atormentada por la idea de volver a mi país cuya inestabilidad aún no garantiza mi regreso.

Una docena de años han pasado y aún las veo moviéndose para decir adiós, a través de las ventanas del aeropuerto internacional El Dorado que desde entonces permanece en remodelación, como mi ciudad natal, como mi vida entera. Paradoja histórica, pensaba yo, mientras mis pies me llevaban en dirección a la salida 8 de la sala internacional para abordar el avión que me llevaría al exilio.

Ciudad de Bogota. Foto de Sara Jimena Santos

Según lo que aprendí en la escuela, a la que llegué aferrado a esas manos que ahora me despedían, los conquistadores españoles llegaron a Colombia atraídos por el brillo del dorado, y ahora yo me estaba alejando de él atraído por otro brillo, el de la luz de la supervivencia. Pero qué opaca ha sido mi vida desde entonces.

Cuánto he ganado, pero también cuánto he perdido. Necesitaría de sus manos y de las mías para hacer las cuentas.

“Los días a las semanas y los meses a los años van sumando”, me decía y me mostraba con sus manos enseñándome a sumar y también a escribir. Mientras garrapateaba mis primeras letras en el cuaderno de rayas azules, mis ojos miraban de soslayo esas manos marcadas por su lucha al arañar el mundo en busca del sustento y me sentía seguro porque sabía que esas manos me mantendrían a salvo de todo y de todos. Por eso me dejaron partir aquella mañana de abril y se agitaron hacia el cielo para decir adiós.

Quizá no debí mirar atrás, para evitar que su recuerdo me golpeara como golpean las olas a las rocas en el mar, horadándolas, como buscando su alma para llevarlas más allá del tiempo y la distancia.

Pero ya no hay tiempo y en sus manos queda su paso inexorable, son ahora piel marchita que se pega al hueso, ateridas, yertas de nostalgia. Exánimes como su mente reposan sobre su cuerpo ya sin fuerza. No pueden, aunque quieran, asir ni el azadón, ni mi piel con mil heridas que hoy se abren a lo lejos.

Las manos de mi padre aún me esperan, y, por ahora, no es posible el regreso.



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